a midsummer update

I realize I need to update this blog more. Here are some things:

I had one hardcore migraine while I was in Egypt. Triggered after drinking some wine the night before. I threw up lots of Gatorade, and slept until I felt better. She passed within 10 hours. I ate once that day.

I had one last night but hit the pillow just in time. I fell asleep with half a sleeping pill in me and a cold wash rag on my head. I had strange dreams but woke up feeling much better. This one triggered by my cycle(it's the minefield week--when all potential triggers are glowing neon and in my way, and more things than not spark the dull pain).

I've been trying a new meal plan where I eat 5 small meals a day. I like it so far. Tomorrow I leave for Florida for a week and I'm looking forward to getting some decent seafood.

I don't really drink anymore. I had some gin and tonics in Egypt(and that awful wine) but I am too petrified by the prospect of a hangover(which always always turns into a ridiculous migraine battle). The buzz isn't worth the aftermath. Because of this I'm learning to be quite careful with my intake and that makes me happy. There was a time in my life when I didn't understand limits with alcohol--I drank to get drunk, to feel it the next day. It's so much better to be responsible.

I am still taking B-Complex vitamins as well as magnesium and butterber. I'm hydrated like whoa. Even when I drink a coffee, I have water right along with it. I will have a soda now and then, but very rarely. The kicking of that lifelong habit is still such a victory for me.

I've noticed with age that my sweettooth has diminished greatly. The sweets I want are fruits, if anything. Now if only jelly beans ceased existing. Quite a few of my migraines this year have been triggered by eating too many jelly beans. Oh my delicious kryptonite.

I've been off antidepressants completely for one month. I'm very happy to report that my number of migraines has stayed very very low since then. I was worried that my head might bloom into a war zone once I stopped taking them. I believe that not working in an office has changed the game, headache-wise. It's so nice to have the freedom to treat the pain before it becomes unmanageable.

National Migraine Month

June is National Migraine Month.

Educate yourself. Help a friend who suffers. Treat yourself better.

why have i been quiet?

My last day of work was May 1st. I moved to Ohio at the end of May, and have been enjoying not going to an office for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Oh what a difference a little freedom makes. Aside from one party foul migraine last month, I've been pretty much migraine free since work ended. Have I had headaches? Yes. Close calls? Yes. But thanks to a free schedule, I have the flexibility and freedom to troubleshoot the head pain, find the triggers, and treat myself appropriately.

This is somewhat of a wonder because I am currently weaning myself off my antidepressant, Zoloft. I started the second week of May, and now I'm down to 50, as opposed to the original 200 dose. This is huge, and quite frightening for me. I haven't been without this medication since 2009--so far my guts have been a mess and I've been much more quick to get to tears. I'm working hard on using my coping mechanisms and getting through it. I listen to my body. I follow a healthy diet, avoid my triggers, and work out every day.

It's nothing short of a miracle to have 1 migraine in over 1 month.

In a way, being more migraine-free brings on a whole new host of worries and fears. To be honest, there is the worry that I will need to live more fully. I will always feel like I live a half-life with these things--I will probably always be an easy target for the head pain. I will probably always have my triggers and anxieties when it comes to chronic pain. But to realize an opportunity to live a bit of a more fuller life? It's thrilling and very, very scary.

But yes mostly thrilling. More soon.

48 hour

I lost yesterday(Monday) to a migraine. It was a 2-dayer--Sunday and Monday, sunrise to darkness. On Sunday I played a soccer game and felt like half a brain and half a body. My head felt anvil-ish and when I look back the entire thing seems backlit by direct sunlight, so bright I can't even look at it.

Yesterday I talked with Jon at some point but don't really remember it. Around 5pm I felt completely worthless. Your body gets exhausted from tensing up against the pain, and then there is the pain itself. I managed one meal in late afternoon.

Jon said that talking to me was like talking to half a person, to someone not me. Today he said he was glad to have me back. Where do I go when the pain is too much? It's not on a map. It's not mine, that place. I can't lead you to it, and I can't access it without that unreal pain sitting shotgun, my key to this land of nowhere.

Today I felt much better, though I caught some words stuttering. I am so slow on that first day back. I tried to make a fist before even leaving bed. The cat knew--she stayed by my side. Today my appetite is back and I worked out. Tomorrow will be even better I'm sure.

My migraines have dropped in frequency--or at least they seem to be. I adhere to a fairly strict schedule--I'm in bed by 11pm on weeknights and almost never out by 2am on weekends. I'll have a drink here or there but that's it. Working out every day, cutting down on stress and stressful situations. Different things work for different people. Right now it's getting plenty of sleep and working up a good sweat. I'll stick to it.

Next: getting off my anti-depressants. I have a game plan, and I hope to be off of them completely by this fall.